I know that’s kind of surprising, given how much I put myself out there in public, how chatty my friends know I can get, and how long I’ve been doing live performance. And I’m sure I do fine once I’m up there, because I seem to have maintained a career requiring leading meetings and appearing competent. But at least in the preparation for such things, I get really worked up over the details and probably over-think things.

Take, for example, my “DJ set” a few nights ago at Artifice Bar’s weekly “So You Think You Can DJ” competition. Despite the fact that I’d be in one of my favorite places, “competing” against friends, and surrounded by people who I knew and mostly loved, I was terribly anxious about putting my musical selection (defined by the evening’s theme, “songs to get down and dirty to”) out there for public consideration/ridicule. Of course, those hours and days spent agonizing over and re-working my half hour of shagging music really didn’t matter by the time I plugged in my laptop at the DJ booth — everything went swimmingly, I did not get booed off, and people even danced/made out to my set. But in my head, up until that moment (and a drink or two), I was surely destined to fail.

The combination of being a little obsessive about excelling at everything I do, dwelling too much on public perception of me, and always having a “little kid” complex about my own self-perception (seriously, I am 35 years old and always feel like the teenage runt in the room) would be a potent danger to my entire success as a functioning adult, except that all of it is underpinned by an inflated sense of self that ultimately trumps everything and brings to you the overconfident buffoon you normally see dropping his pants at local bars for everyone’s enjoyment and amusement.

Hmm. All that said, you should probably come to this Design Drip thing Saturday morning. I mean, not only will you get to see me either succeed or fail in talking about whatever nonsense to which I finally boil down my presentation (right now, it’s a long ramble about how awesome I am, of course), but you can also network with, learn from, and bounce ideas off some really cool, innovative people.

My good frenemy James Reza posted something on Facebook the other day to the effect of “there are five days left in 2011, make the most of them.” Good advice. But do enough of us take that advice to its next logical step, making the most of EVERY day, EVERY year? It’s hard to do so, I know. I mean, how many people would define “making the most” as waking up, going to work, coming home, eating dinner, putting your kids to bed, and passing out watching Jimmy Fallon. Yet, some variation of this ritual is what most of us consider “a day” in our adult lives.

So how do you “make the most” of the mundane? One might suggest by putting your all into these things: Waking up to a hearty breakfast or invigorating jog; putting 110 percent into that PowerPoint presentation; having a tea party with your daughter after work; surprising your lover with an unexpected gift. Others might have a different standard for “making the most” of your day. They might have more superheroic ideals: Climbing a mountain; feeding the homeless; getting in bar fights; making meaningful art; running for public office.

Me, I fall squarely in the middle. In between doing what needs to be done to maintain my health, pay my bills and take care of those around me, I’m always striving to do more, to make an impact, in some way, in any way. Often, Sara asks me what I’m working on, or what I have to “do.” And she knows, almost without fail, that answer will be “stuff.” What stuff? Just “stuff.” Comics. Music. Art. Screenplays. Novels. Websites. Blogs. Videos. Whatever is currently (barely) satiating that weird, burning inside of me that makes me feel guilty when I’m not “producing,” that makes me antsy during holidays and terrible company on vacations.

However, sometimes I wonder where all this “stuff” gets me. I wonder what it contributes to the world. I wonder how it’s bettering society, myself or those around me. And so, here at the dusk of another Gregorian calendar year, I’m looking back over the last 12 months, assessing where I’ve been and deciding where to go. 2011 went by so quickly (don’t they all?), I honestly can hardly believe how long ago some of its events happened.

This year, I published a few comics. My band finally finished recording and released a full-length CD. I got paid to do more illustration, but did less (journalistic) writing. I started a new blog or two. I curated my first – and second – gallery exhibits. I created more crappy art for group and solo art shows. I made the transition back to playing guitar, even as I jammed on drums with more people. I traveled. I ran my first 5k. I kept running. I lost weight. I drank too much. I donated to charity. I gave up on politics. I adjusted (improved?) my diet. I attempted to become a street fighter (and failed). I made a short film. I helped launch a podcast.

That was 2011. What will 2012 look like? I have two screenplays to finish. I have one graphic novel in development. I have a new comic series that’s almost ready to pitch. As Yet Unbroken has a new drummer, and we have a new CD to support. I have to make some big decisions about my involvement in a lot of things. But no matter what, I’ll be doing “stuff.” The question is, will it be stuff that matters, or just more white noise thrust upon the world?

Check back with me this time next year. Happy new year.

That said, I started Thursday staying pretty true to the diet, but I knew that Sara and I were staying overnight on the Strip and had plans to do dinner, which would normally be super-enjoyable, but I was kind of wracked trying to plan low-carb, low-fat meals based on the menus from area restaurants. I started to realize that my goal with this was not to lose an immense amount of weight (though I did lose another pound by Thursday) or go full-paleo (not gonna happen, sorry friends), but to become more conscious of the extra “filler” food I eat that just ends up around my waist and on my face.

Still, I kept it careful. I had my first drop of liquor in a week, but even that decision was motivated by the diet — an uncharacteristic choice of Jack and Diet Coke (which breaks my normal rule of “no caffeine,” but I had to choose the lesser of two evils). Oddly, after all the hand-wringing over dinner choices, we ended up, of all places, at Holstein’s inside the Cosmopolitan — A BURGER JOINT. But even then, I tried to moderate, eating a salmon burger without the bun, plus a salad, and then … then the steak fries that came with it taunted me. Tempted me. Teased me. And then attacked my mouth with deep-fried, salty goodness. I tried to do good, and only had maybe five or six of them, but by then … it was over. The carbs and fat were in me. And, for the first time in five days, I felt full — a bit too full, honestly — and realized how much I don’t like that feeling.

After that, I came to the realization that I could continue to be more mindful by making simple tweaks on a daily basis to eschew processed foods and needless calories without making huge, uncomfortable changes, and then still have the freedom to splurge for special occasions. On Friday, I had my usual egg white veggie omelette at Blueberry Hill for breakfast, but I didn’t eat the toast, and only nibbled on a few hash brown threads. Instead of the usual 3-4 tablespoons of sugar in my decaf coffee, I opted for a packet each of Sweet n’ Low and Equal. And I ran a good five miles that day, ready for whatever the night brought.

I officially ended diet week at Firefly last night, with two glasses of sangria, a serving of patatas bravas and apple-manchengo salad sealing my fate. But I culled plenty of protein from ahi tuna skewers, and even after that meal, didn’t feel super-bloated or too full. Just right.

Today, I’ve been trying to keep it balanced. I had oatmeal for breakfast, because honestly, I couldn’t stand the thought of more egg whites, but when it came time for lunch, I made one of my standard tofu-and-veggies dishes WITHOUT rice, which I always enjoy, and guess what? I was just as full and satiated, even without the extra carbs and calories. And that’s the plan: Keep up with these adjustments, eat a little more conscientiously, and when I need a reboot, well, you know you’ll read about it here.

But let’s not kid ourselves: I’m going to a holiday party tonight. And if there are cookies, I’m going to eat them. Ho ho ho, my friends.

I can feel it too. I was much crankier yesterday, had a harder time focusing, and I had a very dull headache most of the day. I screwed up and woke up late, so instead of making solid food for breakfast, I had a protein shake, but I made up for it during lunch, though I kinda blew the “no fat” portion of this process. I actually ate out, and basically ate the contents of a salmon filet wrap without the wrap, so it was just salmon and arugula (plus a little salad). But I forgot to ask for no sauce on it, and while the tomato aioli was tasty as all get out, it was also basically pure fat (being an oil-based sauce). Good fat, sure, but way, way more than the plan allows. The rest of the day I stuck with self-prepared foods. I actually snuck in a Morningstar veggie sausage patty, which surprisingly has less carbs than the asparagus I ate with it! So that expanded my food options, which is good.

Tonight, the lady and I have a little staycation-type date planned, which will include dinner, so I’m curious to see how that goes. I am going to start working back toward a more diversified diet as the weekend approaches, but I don’t want to blow the progress I’ve made just yet. So I’ll be keeping it to lean protein and non-starchy veggies at least through Friday, when my next workout will probably happen. I do have some shenanigans planned over the weekend, and I’d hate to be a carb-deprived zombie for them.

I know I’m not.

Inspired by Peter Shankman’s 12-day all-protein diet, which was inspired by his trainer Kennth Yim, who was himself inspired by Lyle McDonald, I thought to myself, “Self, maybe this is just the thing you need to do to push yourself over that last hill. You’ve lost 25 lbs in a few years. You can now run 10 miles like it’s just another day. But you seem to still have some, um, puffiness that just won’t go away. And you eat way too much bread, dude. Like, seriously.”

Of course, doing an all-protein diet when you’re a mostly vegetarian with occasional fish-eating tendencies is tough. It would basically mean I’m stuck with eating nothing but fish for the duration. Well, and vegetables (the green, leafy kind, not the starchy, root-y kind). See, the idea is to increase your protein intake by an insane amount, and cut out almost every bit of fat and carbohydrates possible during this time, which will force your body into ketosis after a few days, at which point your stash of carbs are burned out, leaving only fat for your body to burn off. Hence why this is plainly stated to be a CRASH DIET and not a lifestyle change; while your body can adapt to a similar diet (with fats), it’s not generally a healthy long-term change.

Plus, for someone of my build and activity level, I need to consume more than 200 grams of protein a day, which is about 140 more than normally recommended, and it’s been really challenging to figure out how to consume THAT MUCH protein (average servings we eat are about 20g), especially given a) my schedule and b) my normal dietary restrictions. As well, there’s a huge calorie deficit, by about 50 percent, but that’s part of the deal: Not consuming all those extra “empty/bad” calories that come from carbs and fat.

Taking all this into consideration, I decided to at least give it a shot … less as a crash diet, and much like my detoxes/reboots before, more as a re-introduction into better eating habits overall. After every one of these things, I see general improvements in my health and lifestyle (whoever though I’d become known as an avid runner?), but sure enough, my discipline strays, especially when I get busy or holidays come up. A late-night grilled cheese here, a couple of cookies there … and there … and there. Even though I stopped keeping bread around the house, I still find myself buying sandwiches or carb-heavy food for lunch almost everyday. I can feel it — I get that mid-afternoon fatigue every time I eat a Capriotti’s sub or a Chipotle burrito. And though I’ve kept my weight within a comfortable range (between 160 – 165 lbs.), it’s been creeping toward the upper end despite running and weight training multiple times per week. So, yeah, I needed something to give me that little push over the hill, get me back to cooking my own meals, controlling my portions, eating more whole foods, etc.

Hence, Monday (yesterday) morning, I started my own version of this all-protein, rapid fat loss diet. And so far … it’s not too bad. In spite of the drastic calorie cut, my energy levels have actually been pretty good, I haven’t gotten sleepy or cranky, and I actually had a normal workout tonight, after which I weighed in at almost 2 lbs. lighter than three days ago. I get hungry throughout the day, but not really any hungrier than when I do my detoxes, despite not snacking all day on nuts and fruit. I figured out egg whites are a good no-fat, no-carb protein source, as well, but aside from that, it’s been lean fish like tuna and salmon, low-carb protein shakes and lots of greens (plus multi-vitamins), and it will be for at least this week … or until I break down and doughnut it up. I won’t be doing a hardcore, full, 12-day deal like Shankman did, mainly because of the lack of protein diversification mentioned above, but also because I have to watch my cholesterol intake, because I’m still not sure whether my high cholesterol scare a few years ago was induced by lifestyle, diet or genetics (the first two of which I obvious drastically changed). Besides, getting into the practice of eating less nutritionally useless carbs and more complex carbs, healthy fats and proteins is my eventual goal anyway, and this seems like a good starting place.

But if I’m cranky the next week or so, I apologize in advance, and you have permission to hold me down and shove a bagel down my throat to resolve the situation.

I say: Fuck you. It’s human nature. We all take everything for granted. We can’t help it. We’re always in the midst of doing, and sure, it sucks that we don’t take the time out to think about how awesome it is that we are doing these things (note: I often do), nor thank the people who have enabled the awesomeness, but that doesn’t mean that in the backs of our minds, we don’t know that. If I had the means or the mental capability to remember to do so, I’d send my girlfriend flowers every day of her life. But the fact I don’t doesn’t mean I love her any less.

That being said, you whining bastards are right. I don’t disagree. I just resent you for being smug enough to call me out on suddenly being thoughtful because everything around me is shouting reminders all of the sudden, when I know damn well you’re just as guilty as am I. However, after listening to last night’s episode of American Public Media’s The Story last night, I do think y’all have a point.

The always-affable Dick Gordon chatted with Rais Bhuiyan, who was shot point blank in the face with a double-barreled shotgun about 10 years ago by a white supremacist motherfucker. By the grace of Allah, fate, or dumb luck, Bhuiyan not only survived, but fully recuperated, moved forward with his life, and then did something none of us would probably do: He dedicated his time to preventing his attacker (who also murdered two other “Arabs” in cold blood) from getting executed by the state. For real, go listen to that shit.

The point is: Bhuiyan is so thankful for life, so appreciative of its beauty regardless of whether you experience it in a house, hospital or prison, that he couldn’t stand to see the man who tried to hatefully murder him be deprived of his right to live it. That’s some powerful stuff. And it just makes me realize how much I take what most would consider to be a pretty good life for granted.

I really do try to stay positive and minimize my complaining (except when Photoshop crashes, you know that is the WORST) — Lord knows there’s enough of that on the internet — but I still feel like maybe I don’t show utter appreciation enough. For my ever-patient girlfriend Sara. For my bountiful friends and acquaintances. For this city that can be soul-sucking as hell, but has been culturally and financially good to me. For our amazing house. For my only half-crazy-in-a-mostly-amusing-way family. For growing up in relatively safe neighborhoods, in a not-too-traumatic household. For having a good education (and the debt to prove it). For having a healthy body, a sound mind, and natty fashion sense. For having continued gainful employment all of my adult life. For the nutty talents with which I was born that you suckers endure day in and out.

For all of it, folks. Every damn thing.

What about you?

At best, it can buy distractions. At worst, in the words of the prophet Biggie Smalls, “mo’ money, mo’ problems.”

I still owe you the second part of the history of As Yet Unbroken (part eight of the cumbersome but mildly informative “Magical Musical Mystery Tour“), but I can comfortably jump ahead  to the last six months without spoiling anything: Basically, we’ve been flying as a trio — the core of singer Tim Beck, bassist Mark Zeilman, and me — since last fall, when guitarist Peter Stauber left. We decided to use that to our advantage, by really focusing on just writing and recording (with Mark and I splitting guitar duties on record). We did play one gig in the spring with former guitarist Rick Espe, but he wasn’t interested in re-joining long-term (but we still love ya, Rick!). We did finally finish recording about 10 songs (well, really nine songs, one track was from recording sessions with Rick almost three years ago) at the beginning of the summer, and after going through mastering, sequencing, package design and internal logistical debates, we finally have something approximating a new CD for you to enjoy:

The last few weeks have been spent sending out press releases, newsletters, radio packages, and media kits, and basically scrambling somewhat to regain the traction we lost by being relatively inactive for almost a year. And now we’re in the process of carefully auditioning musicians to fill that fourth position in the band so we can actually bring this album LIVE to the masses again, assuming the masses want it (at least one or two of you do).

Until then, however, if you’re looking to pick up some new rock music, you could do worse than to buy/download/steal Unknown. It’s a pretty decent document of As Yet Unbroken’s existence up to now, featuring new takes on some of our oldest songs, and brand-new stuff we haven’t even played live yet (i.e., no one has heard). And you get to hear how equally bad I am at drums AND guitar, which is always impressive. You can get the full digital album for about $5 at Bandcamp or Amazon MP3; it’s on iTunes, but the whole album will cost you about $10. Or, if you’re one of those CD collectors, we have those for sale for only $5 too.

If you want to just buy individual songs, my personal favorites are “Post-Life Society” (in which I sneak some chilling synths), “Bad Blood” (think Alice In Chains’ “Rooster” with less war imagery), “Wasted Time” (pretty much our most radio-friendly song ever), or “Pseudo Angel” (it’s an oldie, but this new version is pretty rawkin’).

Hopefully, we’ll have a new line-up nailed down by the end of the month, and possibly even play a CD release show before the end of 2011. But that’s only if you want it, of course.

The not-so-wacky-but-pretty-pathetic outcome of that mission can finally (FINALLY!) be read about in the latest issue of Desert Companion, which hit mailboxes and Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf newsstands this week. The three-page journey is accompanied by an illustration by my good friend Hernan Valencia, whose fabulous work has also graced my words in Vegas Seven, and of course, on many covers of The Utopian. So, go read it, learn something, and then you can go about your day.

Yep, I finally switched the A/C at home from “cool’” to “heat.”

Ha, no, but really, you know what time it is?

VEGAS VALLEY COMIC BOOK FESTIVAL TIME!

It feels redundant for me to blow a lot of pixels here going over the details of what awesomeness awaits you this Saturday, Nov. 5, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the Clark County Library, because a full website already exists dedicated to that mission, so I suggest you go there, read all about it, then come back here so I can share my personal take.

Done? OK, so … I’ve been involved with the planning of the VVCBF since 2009, which is incidentally the first year I officially launched Pop! Goes the Icon, at the very same event. Each year, my involvement has increased, to the point that I now basically handle all of the marketing, promotion and tangential events related to the festival, while the Superduper Events Specialist (or whatever her title is) at the library, Suzanne Scott, handles all the logistics/contracts/money/political stuff. That means from September to November every year for me has become kind of like a marathon (though it really starts in the spring with the conception of the commemorative comic book I edit and publish for the festival, which is a whole different topic). And the finish line is just about two days away, beyond which sleep and, well, catching up on deadlines awaits.

But I would love to see your smiling faces before then, at the VVCBF on Saturday. I’ll be running the Pop! Goes the Icon tables, at which we’ll be launching the aforementioned commemorative, benefit comic, Tales from Fremont Street (which actually soft-launched last night). Most of the contributors to that fine volume will be at our tables signing and sketching and chatting. We’ll also have, of course, the full line of PGTI goodies, including our most recent trade paperbacks. So grab your kids and loved ones, throw on something geeky, and spend Saturday morning/afternoon with me at the Comic Book Festival. It’s FREE, y’all.