Bleeding Neon

I’ve been buying too many comic books. Without good reason or justification. Just because they’re there, and they’re cheap — or free — and I can’t say “no.” But I need to, right now, before I can no longer walk into my closet (I can’t) or my girlfriend kicks out me and my comics.

See, here’s the thing: I collected comics regularly when I was a kid, like most of us did. And when I hit my teenage years, I stopped. That was the early ’90s. Sure, I read and/or picked up an issue here or there, but I didn’t see the inside of a comic book store for about 15 years.

Then, as the story goes, I got bit by the comic bug again at San Diego Comic-Con about three years ago, and I started actually buying new issues again regularly, but that wasn’t the problem. That’s only about seven to 10 issues a month, if that. No, the problem started when I discovered Dreamwell Comics’ seasonal sidewalk sales, where the store (now called Wishing Well) would unload its back stock for pennies per copy. So I’d walk away with a stack of comics for the same price as a Capriotti’s sub (mmm Capriotti’s). At first, it was neat: Filling in holes in my back issue collection for a dime or a quarter a piece? Sweet! But then came eBay.

Not that eBay was new or I was new to it, but I discovered — don’t ask me how — a certain seller on there who auctions off Roger Stern’s “research copies” of comics. Stern is a comic book writer mostly known for his Marvel comics work in the 1970s and ’80s, hence, when he’d take on a new assignment, he’d have to bulk up his knowledge of that story or character set by consuming reference material, i.e., lots of comics. Well, these certified reference copies go for sale on eBay, the bidding is relatively low, and next thing you know, Pj is receiving boxes of dozens of comics on his doorstep. Again, at first this was really cool: “Ooh, Roger Stern’s reference copies! Certificates of authenticity! More comics to read!” But this week, the most recent batch came after a confluence of circumstances that have stuffed the closet in my second bedroom/band practice space nearly full.

Torpedo Comics, a giant online retailer launched by System of a Down drummer and certified comic geek John Dolmayan back in 2007, recently went out of business, and all of its assets were being liquidated. So yes, that means millions of comics, art, toys, games and other geek ephemera were being auctioned off for pennies on the dollar.  We’re talking lots of 5,000 comics for less than $20. And, wouldn’t you know, Torpedo was based here in the Vegas Valley, and of course, who gets the auction announcement directly sent to his e-mail? Yep. THIS GUY. Oh, what’s that? You have online bidding? IT’S LIKE EBAY FOR COMIC NERDS.

Thankfully, I set a spending limit for myself and got outbid of a few lots at the last second, but still, on Friday morning, I sauntered up to a warehouse in North Las Vegas to pick up another 350 or so comics I didn’t need — or as I found out later, already had — as well as some original art from a mid-1980s run of Iron Man by Mark Bright, Ian Akin and Brian Garvey. Money-wise, only the original art really set me back, which is OK, because that was still a deal. But the comics — oh, the comics — were subsequently dumped in my closet with two or three other boxes my guitar player, Peter, had generously donated to my collection over the last month or so.

To be fair, I don’t have THAT many comics. I have what amounts to maybe (now) seven or eight “long boxes,” which each hold about 250 comics. That’s barely 2,000 comics. I have friends who have entire rooms and houses full of these things, along with statues, figures and art (I’m looking at you, Harry Fagel). Me, I’ve never been into the collect-and-display aspect, at least not since I was still rocking a sweet mullet. But it does seem like I’ve gotten to the point where I’m just buying them because I can, not because I need or even really want to.

So … the buck stops here. That buck being the credit card in my wallet, of course. Don’t worry, Ralph, I’ll still be stopping by Alternate Reality every few weeks to pick up my (ever-dwindling) pull list. But as soon as I can find the time (hah!), I’m going to have to actually tackle this four-color monster growing in my closet, thin out the herd, and get my own eBay auctions up and running again. Before you see me on the side of the road, sitting atop a throne of long boxes, holding a sign reading “will work for comics.”

Like the rest of America this weekend, I ventured to my local cineplex to catch a showing of that quaint indie flick everyone’s talking about, Iron Man 2. As you probably know, I don’t really like reviewing things, but I have been trying to figure out why the first Iron Man film was so much better than this sequel – or at least why I enjoyed the original more – and in the process, started making lists in my head of the things I liked and didn’t. Now you get to share in that process:

Pj’s Four Favorite Things About Iron Man 2

1. Suitcase armor – Well, duh. Even if you haven’t seen the movie, you’ve probably seen the scene where Tony Stark’s armor forms around him from a red-and-silver suitcase – a very comic book moment. How can you not love that?
2. Captain America’s shield – Clever moment tying together Stark’s father to the iconic patriotic superhero, amusingly punctuated by S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Phil Coulson asking Tony if he knows what the shield is even as Tony’s using it to prop up a steel conduit.
3. Black Widow in action – Really, it’s not just because Scarlett Johansson is in a skin-tight suit. While her take-down of Happy Hogan in the boxing ring earlier in the film was amusing, Natasha finally getting to cut loose by taking out an entire building’s worth of armed security forces single-handedly was brilliantly choreographed and just plain awesome.
4. Final battle – I guess if you’re still reading, you know this post has been a little spoiler-ish, but I’ll still try to not give away too much. But I think I’m safe by saying Rhodey and Tony teaming up to kick the metal arses of dozens of robot drones and a vodka-fueled Mickey Rourke in giant armor was a goddamn delight.

Pj’s Four Least-Favorite Things About Iron Man 2

1. Drunk party scene – While not nearly as bad as the “evil Peter Parker singing-and-dancing” scene from Spider-Man 3, Tony Stark stumbling around and pissing himself in the Iron Man suit was just … ingratiating. I get that it’s there to establish his frame of mind and Rhodes’ obtaining of the armor, but it was just ludicrous and over the top, DJ AM’s (R.I.P.) appearance notwithstanding.
2. Justin Hammer – I love Sam Rockwell. I love every character he’s every played. He was brilliant carrying Moon as a one-man tour-de-force. But combined with scenes such as the aforementioned drunk Iron Man debacle, Rockwell’s over-the-top performance as a moustache-twirling “evil” CEO detracted from the realism that anchored the first film and enabled it to be pure awesome. Robert Downey, Jr.’s Tony Stark is already glib and showy – having a buffoon attempt to one-up that so obviously just didn’t work for me. Especially the scene where Hammer awaits Ivan Vanko’s deplaning with a gourmet meal inside an airplane bunker. It was camp, plain and simple.
3. Randy’s Donuts meeting with Nick Fury – You’ve seen the snippet from this, right? Where Tony’s armored up, sitting inside the iconic giant donut, eating donuts when S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nick Fury shows up to chastise him? That was clever. But taking the scene inside the donut shop for Natalie/Natasha’s reveal as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent was amateur hour. I mean, here’s this top-secret espionage organization having a meeting in a public place with everyone in their silly costumes.
4. Length – The Randy’s Donuts and Stark birthday party scenes – along with many other iffy moments – give Iron Man 2 the feeling of a film that crammed in a lot of scenes that sounded cool on paper but should have been left on the cutting room floor, making the film leaner and meaner. And less damn silly.

Overall, I enjoyed it. It was enjoyable. But it felt very full of itself, like director Jon Favreau got a little cocky following the success of Iron Man and just went balls out with everything he could. And really, you can’t blame the guy for trying, but if there’s to be a third film – and after Iron Man 2 hauled in $133 million in three days, does anyone think there won’t be? – Favreau (and writer Justin Theroux) would do well to trim the fat and avoid the mistakes of other superhero film franchises such as X-Men and Spider-Man (both of which were bloated and nonsensical by their third installments).

So, yesterday I was reading the second issue of X-Factor Forever, a five-issue comic book series from Marvel Comics written by Louise Simonson, who is basically picking up with the storyline left off when she left the X-Factor series back in the early 1990s (and approaching it as if the last 18 or 19 years of stories never happened). I’m enjoying the heck out of it, because a) I loved Simonson’s run on the series back in the late ’80s, and b) Dan Panosian’s art is just fun and full of energy.

BUT. I have to take issue with this panel, whose appearance in the midst of an otherwise innocent birthday party scene is insignificant, except for one thing:

Anyone who’s been reading X-Men comics for any period of time — or, in my case, for 25 years, knows that CYCLOPS’ EYE BEAMS DON’T EMIT HEAT. They are beams of force, of pressure. Wikipedia says it right here: “they do not give off heat and instead deliver concussive force.” WIKIPEDIA DON’T LIE.

So … cute as the idea of Cyke lighting up young Timmy’s birthday candles with his optic blasts may be, it’s off-character and (sorry Louise) Simonson should know better. It’s as ludicrous as, say, Iceman conjuring up a delightful ice cream topping out of thin air.

So if anyone checked into my Twitter feed the last few days (or the updated Utopian blog today), you may be aware that I was struck down by some sort of evil stomach bug upon my return from Santa Barbara this weekend. Which has put me behind by a few days. This timing is pretty terrible, not the least of which is because Chris Sims, he of the Invincible Super-Blog, put out the challenge for his annual “30 Second Recap Contest” last week, and the due date is today.

Between my mini-vacation and my stomach-churning ailment, I was not able to create my epic retelling of a godlike entity’s arrival on Earth to seek the source of desire and blah blah blah. So instead, I have been forced to boil down the essence of Marvel Comics’ classic 1980s maxi-series Secret Wars II into one panel, one single image that distills the epic themes so well-represented by Jim Shooter’s nine-issue visionary masterpiece:

Yep.

So, sorry Chris, I know it’s not the outstanding piece of workmanship that earned notice last year as an Honorable Mention. But it’s the best I could do, given the circumstances.

Yep.

Guys, it’s November 3. I know in various parts of the United States, that means it’s Election Day. The fine people of Virginia and New Jersey are deciding on their next governor. New York and Atlanta are weighing the options for their respective mayors. And in Maine, voters will decide whether or not gay marriage is legally upheld in that cold, Northeastern state.

But around here, today is a special day for a whole different reason. Because today is the official release date of the latest book from our friends at Alert Nerd Press:

Yes, One Con Glory is available for you to get into your grubby hands. Written by the lovely and talented Sarah Kuhn, One Con Glory tells the tale of an obsessive fangirl and her all-consuming quest for a particularly precious action figure. But more importantly, it features an illustration by the one-and-only Pj Perez. Yes, in the good company of such webcomics auteurs as Benjamin Birdie and Max Riffner, artwork by THIS GUY helps propel this “twisty romantic comedy for the obsessive fangirl in everyone.”

But of course, the only way to read this funtastic tome and see what art I wrought upon the world this time is to buy the book. Sarah needs money. Probably to buy comics or movie tickets for New Moon or whatever.