Being the self-obsessed megalomaniac that I am, I spend a bit of time every so often* checking the web statistics for the various sites I manage (and there are a lot), and this includes seeing what search terms led people to those sites. But one thing I really only thought about the other day (though I must have noticed it before) is the “related searches” that Google displays at the bottom of any search results page, suggesting other common search terms for similar topics. And, for “pj perez,” there are some interesting combos for which people search, both obvious and unexpected. Maybe I can help you find what you’re looking for:

“twitter pj perez” – Yes, I tweet. Not as often as I did a few years ago, but still enough to have 41,000+ tweets under my belt. As a general rule, I simply use “pjperez” for account handles whenever possible, unless some rat bastard beat me to it. So same goes for YouTube, though not for Facebook (see “rat bastard” above).

“pj perez yet unbroken” – Apparently, either people are too lazy to type the “as” in As Yet Unbroken, or they don’t know the full name of the band. Either way, despite believing the band in which I play guitar (now) is as unknown as the name of our new CD would have you believe, someone out there in Google-land is looking for us.

“pj perez kickstarter” – This one is a bit perplexing. Not sure if people are searching for my Kickstarter profile to see what projects I’ve backed, or if they’re looking for projects of MINE to back. If it’s the latter, well, I’m sure at some point I’ll get tired of bleeding my own money for projects and start begging you guys, so stay tuned, and I’ll be happy to take your money in exchange for goods.

“pj perez imdb resume” – It’s a short resume, but it’s there. If my master plan goes well (see megalomania, above), then it should be growing this year. Or if you need a script/script doctoring/fluffing, let’s grow it together!

“pj perez amazon” – BITCHES BUY MY BOOKS!

“pj perez born” – Hmm. You trying to find out how old I am? I AM ETERNAL. Where was I born? Valley Presbyterian Hospital in Van Nuys, Calif. How was I born? Caesarian. Now you’re sorry you asked, aren’t you?

“pj perez amysolart”, “pj perez megan_lane” – I grouped these together because they’re both obviously searches for my name plus the Twitter handles of other people, both of whom are acquaintances from different circles. So was it Amy and Megan looking for mentions of me in their own timelines? Or other people looking? I can’t imagine it’s the latter. And I don’t even have a funny comment to punctuate this one!

So … there you go. I guess now Google will index this page, and instead of getting what you were actually looking for, you’re going to get this post, which tells you nothing useful. But if you have any real questions, drop me a line, and I’ll try to come up with a handy answer. Or make up something completely.

*And by “every so often,” I mean ALL THE TIME.